These characters do not belong to me... I just really like to write emotional trying fics with them! And I'm too lazy to write out all their names, but hey, what the heck! Taichi Kamiya, Yamato Ishida, Sora Takenouchi, Takeru Takashi, Hikari Kamiya, Koushiro Izumi, Jyou Kido and Mimi Tachikawa. Uhh... whatever, on with the fic! (Oh, and just in case you're dumb and haven't figured out, this is a yaoi fic, but once I said Matt-Tai romance, you should've figured it. Unless you don't know who Tai and Matt are, then you shouldn't be reading this fic). Oh yeah, and there is NO hentai in this fic even though at one point it may look like there will be. Don't worry I don't do that kind of stuff. And this fic is cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesy!
P.S: Oh, and since I've been giving all my fics theme songs, the theme for this would have to be 'Ex-Factor' by Lauryn Hill.

The suit case thudded closed. Taichi Kamiya heaved a miserable sigh. He REALLY didn't want to be doing this. Anywhere but Nagasaki. He'd only be there for two days, and most of that time he'd be at meetings, but he already knew that was plenty of enough time to run into *him*. Tai had learned by now that fate had a cruel tendancy to throw the two together whenever possible.
Tai shook his head. It didn't matter this time, Yamato hated him. Would have to, after what he had done.
Why did you kiss him? his mind asked the question for the millionth time in the last year Especially like that. Tai pushed it out of his head, it didn't matter. It didn't matter. Yeah, that was some lie. What would he do if he actually DID run into him. He told Takeru and Kari he'd visit. What was he going to do if he was there, or in the same neighbourhood. Nothing. NOTHING will happen because he hates you, so it doesn't matter. You left him. Even worse, you left him without a word. You led him on with comfort, then left him. Of course Tai knew that. He could never forget it. He knew what he had done and the guilt built up. He had loved Matt, was pretty sure he still did. So why didn't he just STAY. Because you CAN'T. It's just wrong... Tai slumped down on his couch and buried his head in his hands. What he wouldn't give to go back and do that night over again. Leave the sobbing figure on the bridge alone. In his subconcious, he had known it was Matt. The wild blonde hair, thin figure, the voice, present in the mangled sobs. Even the way his shoulders heaved was familiar. Tai was certain the moment he laid his hand on the figure's shoulder. The way he tensed. It was strange, but Tai knew by the way he tensed. How every muscel in his body tightened at the exact moment of touch. He cowered when people touched him. He was always so scared of affection, scared of being loved and touched. Scared of emotion. Staring into his icy sapphire eyes was too much. They were so lifeless and emotionless, but Tai had learned how to read them. He could tell how helpless and weak Matt felt. How lonely. STOP IT! He buried his face even further in his palms. Don't think about him. Don't THINK about him. No, he wouldn't do it differently. He would die just to have that kiss again. Die just to even see Yamato again, wipe the tears from his beautiful face. He had soft lips. Strong arms, such a thin build that last time Tai had seen him felt... hollow... Stop, Tai, stop...
Tai hated tears. Especially when they were over Matt. But they were streaming through uncontrollably now. His body was wracked by heavy sobs and the tears dripped down his wrists. He almost didn't hear the ever persistant knock at the door.
He stopped crying a moment and listened. There WAS a knock at the door. He frantically wiped his eyes as he jumped to answer the door. "Hi... uh..." Sora stood in the doorway and looked at Tai with concerned eyes "Are you... crying?"
Tai laughed "No... of course not!..."
Sora shook her head "Tai, I've been your best friend since we were four... I don't know why you even TRY to lie to me... all packed?" Tai grabbed his suitcase, which waited conviently by the door. "Yeah, come on, let's go."

Sora finally broke the haunting silence.
"Why were you crying?"
"Nothing important."
"You don't cry like that over 'nothing important'."
"What do you mean 'like that'?"
"Tai, I could hear you crying halfway down the hall."
Tai glanced at her, then looked out the window at the rapidly passing scenery, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Does it have to do with the trip?"
"Huh?" Tai nearly spilt the coffee all over Sora's new carseats "W... why do you ask that?"
"Well, considering you're going to Nagasaki today, and after last year's trip to Nagasaki, you seemed... well, different... I can only assume it's about the trip."
Tai gulped down something in his throat.
"Tai, you can tell me anything."
Tai smiled at her. Indeed he could. Always had been able to. Perhaps that's why he had never felt a romantic intrest in her. It was such a wonderful, fufilling friendship there was never need for any more. "Uhhh... I..." Tai searched for the right words to describe what had gone on last time he was in Nagasaki without giving Sora the wrong impression. "I... I ran into... Matt..."
Sora suddenly stopped the car "WHAT!?"
"Sora, we're in the downtown..." Tai looked through the back window to see already several other cars coaseling behind them.
Sora nodded "Oh, yeah, right, of course..." she pressed down on the gas again and the two drove further in silence.
"What happened." she asked.
Tai bit his lip "Well... he was... in a dark place I guess... kinda... suicidal... he said he was considering it.... everyday..."
"No what he said, what HAPPENED."
"Um." Tai wiped his brow.
"You can't tell me nothing happened Tai, with the way you two left it."
"Huh?" Tai looked at Sora shocked.
Sora sighed "You think I honestly didn't know?"
Tai shook his head "I didn't think anyone did."
"No, they don't, if that's what your worried about, but Tai, I've learned to read you like an open book. I could just... tell..."
Tai lowered his gaze "I kissed him."
Sora stopped the car again "YOU WHAT!? KISSED HIM!? YOU STUPID BAKA!"
"Sora, downtown. Traffic."
She accelerated hard throwing Tai against the back of his seat.
"Then what!?" she badgered "You left? You talked? Argued? What!?"
"He, uh, fell asleep... then I left..."
"Fell... asleep?" Sora gave Tai as much of a curious look as she could while still keeping her eye on the road.
"No, no, no." Tai began to sweat at her assumption "He was, uh, really messed up. For some reason he just fell asleep in my arms... on the bridge and I had to carry him home..." Tai trailed off.
"And THEN?"
"And then nothing, Sora, I left... you are sick."
Sora laughed "No, don't get me wrong, that's not what I thought... I just... y'know... figured there was... more..."
"More?"
Sora sighed "Tai, just forget it. You are such a baka..."
"Yeah, I know..."
Sora reached out for his hand "No, don't be so hard on yourself. Matt's a hard person to love. We ALL know that. You just a little bit more so."
"I dunno Sora..." Tai suddenly felt very small and alone "I just... it just hurts because it's... it's wrong. Uh, not because... y... y'know, but becasue... well... it's.... you understand, don't you?"
Sora's soft ruby eyes wavered from the road to gaze at Taichi with complete understanding "I think I do..."
The rest of the drive was in silence. Tai soon felt them pulling up to the train station.
"I'm too scared to go."
"It's a business trip Tai."
"I know I'll run into him. It's like if we're in the same town, we're somehow drawn to one another."
"Maybe that's fate trying to tell you something."
Tai looked at Sora with humorless eyes "And the funny thing is, I have a girlfriend that things are going really well with and I don't want to lose."
"I didn't mean anything by it."
"Sorry..."
"You'd better go, you don't want to miss your train."
"Oh no, of COURSE not." Tai said sarcastically, picking up his suitcase and pushing the door open.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~(Flashback... WAAAY back)~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Matt looked at Tai and Tai looked at Matt. This was strangely akward. Neither knew how they had ended up here, this late at night, completely alone.
"Uhhhh......" Tai was a bit confused by this all, but it didn't seem to matter. He stopped whatever he wanted to say. The moment was too perfect.
Matt reached deep into his pocket and pulled out his harmonica. He began to play. Tai closed his eyes and let the tune wash over him. He was lulled by the songs soft allure into some sort of waking dream. Blurry images of his sub-conscious wirled by and he observed them so carefully as to dechiper their meaning that he didn't notice that Matt had stopped playing until a full minute afterwards. He slowly opened his eyes.
"Why d'ya stop playing?"
Matt shrugged "Didn't feel much like playing tonight."
Tai nodded.
"Hey, wait... have you ever played?" before Tai could answer the question he found the sleek, silver instrument in his hands.
"Ummmm... no, not really." Tai stared at the harmonica stupidly.
Matt laughed "It's easy, really... here." Matt took Tai's hands and positioned them across the harmonica's opening "It's a B flat." he said.
Tai just looked at the complicated hand pose and decided not even to try "I'll uh, pass this lesson..." his attention suddenly turned to Matt's hands which were clasped around his. He looked at Matt who blushed slightly.
"Uhh... I..."
"Do you ever take these off?" Tai interrupted him, dropping the harmonica and beginning to pull of Matt's gloved with his own ungloved hands.
Matt pulled his hands away "Yeah, at home... when I sleep..."
"Y'know, it might be a good idea to air out your hands Matt. I can only imagine what they smell like after three months inside a hot leather glove." Tai scrunched his nose up.
"No... there's a reason..." Matt looked at his hands with bitterness "It's just... personal."
"Ah... that makes sense." Tai rolled his eyes.
"Well, you always wear those stupid goggles."
"Hey! I resent that! And of course I wear them, it's to keep my hair out of my face!"
"Then why don't you just cut your hair?"
Tai shrugged "Dunno. I guess I kinda like it that way." he unconciously brushed his hair through with his hand.
Matt had a sudden compulsion. He reached over and his hand lightly touched the messy bundle of chestnut. He reeled back as Tai glanced at him.
"I'm... I'm sorry... I don't... know..."
Tai took Matt's hands again "Come Yama, take them off..." Yamato gave in as Tai slowly pulled off the brown leather gloves. He felt fingers lightly draw a line across his wrists. "These scars?" Tai wondered.
"I did it about a year ago Tai. My life was really screwed up. You don't know."
He met Tai's eyes to find they were full of sympathy. Then he smiled "And you MUST remove these."
Matt slipped his bare fingers underneath the pair of goggles and carefully lifted them, from Taichi's head. A hundred strands of loose, shaggy chestnut fell lightly into the boy's face. Matt knew he should've taken his hands away then, but something urged him to keep going. He ran his hands through Tai's hair a few times, not caring it was greasy from months without a proper wash, then pushed the strands of loose hair from Tai's young face, admiring the adorable way they fell back out of place. He traced a path down Tai's forhead head, around hs eyes and cheek and held his face in his ungloved hands. Then he pulled Tai closer, and pressed his lips against his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tai trudged into the dusty old bar. He NEEDED a beer, as much as he didn't like to drink and as much as he promised himself no alcohol on this trip, the stress of the day's meeting was getting to him. He didn't even think he would make it to meet TK and Kari it was so late. He sat down at a table in the far corner and motioned for the waiter.
"Yes sir?"
"I'll have a..." Tai searched his mind for a brand he liked. He hadn't drunk since High School "I dunno, just give me your stongest stuff mixed with your second strongest stuff."
The waiter shrugged and wrote something down then hurried off.
Moments later Tai found himself gazing into a fat glass of thick, white liquid that gave off the most putrid odor he'd ever had the pleasure to sense in his life. He took a sip, then immeditly spit it back out. The taste wasn't much better.
"What is this!?"
"Pure alcohol mixed with Drano." the waiter paused a second "The suicide drink."
"Your kidding me, right?"
The waiter shook his head.
Tai sighed and pushed the poisinous drink aside. "Nevermind..."
"Would you like anything else."
Tai shook his head "I intend to leave alive."
The waiter snickered "Yeah, I've heard that before."
Life sucks. Yeah, that was pretty much the sum of Tai's thoughts. Life enjoys watching you squirm and suffer. Alcohol and Drano. Yeah, maybe he WOULD drink it. He was young and healthy, it might be fun to taunt death. And how didn't he know the waiter was joking and it was just rum and ginny. Tai took another wiff and decided against it. Life sucks. He came back to the conclusion again. Even just being here in Nagasaki. He hated the city, it still stunk of Nuclear strike and everytime he set foot beyond the city limit sign he felt as if he would suddenly keel over dead from some form of cancer. Not to mention Matt.
No, don't think of Matt his mind reminded YES think of Matt he argued his own conciousness Think of Matt, get washed away by thoughts of him, memories, desires, anything... he laid his head down on the table and closed his eyes Think of the times in the DigiWorld. The night of the first kiss accident. When he came back after leaving the group. Being bathed in the glow of his crest, how he had held you. How kawaii he always was when playing his harmonica, eyes closed in absolute concentration, that one strand of rebellious hair always falling in front of his eyes. The beams of moonlight hitting his face...
Tai hadn't noticed the sudden hush in the room as a man had taken place on the small stage. He cleared his throat.
"Good evening gentelmen... and, uh, ladies... it's a rare pleasure we have as such a small bar to present the talents of anyone past unknows, but tonight, even though not widely known, but a virtual superstar in Nagasaki, we give you... Yamato Ishida!"
Tai's eyes snapped open "What!?" he gasped out loud.
A few groups of teenage girls who sat near the front began to cheer wildly. As Matt walked out onto stage they blew him kisses, threw roses and heart-shaped, red love notes, causing a deep, ruby blush to spread across his face just making the girls scream more.
Tai's breath caught in his throat and his amber eyes slowly inched towards the stage. Finally reaching Yamato who had just taken a graceful seat at the tall bench at center stage. He adjusted the mic, strummed a few practice notes on his guitar, then began a tune. Slow and steady, the notes echoed around the room, creating a soaring melody that one could fall asleep to. Wow. He was GOOD.
Nothing could've prepared Taichi for the moment when Matt began to sing. His mouth opened and what flew out was a voice of an angel. Literally. Tai had never known Matt's voice was so beautiful. He didn't listen to the words, but simply let the sound surround him and carry him away. He took in every detail. How... simply amazing Yamato looked. Dressed from head to toe in black, his form illuminated by the dim, blue bar lights. His eyes closed in absolute concentration and a strand of twany, dirty blonde fell in his face.
Taichi found himself hanging on the last, tender note, but as Matt finished the song to the chorus of girly screaming and he-man hoots and hollers, his intense, sapphire eyes opened and seemed to somehow find their way to the most obscure table in the most obscure corner of the bar. Azure met amber and a quick wave of emotion passed through Matt's face which he struggled to get under control. He raised the microphone again, not once taking his death-gaze from Tai.
"I'm sorry..." he began hesitantly "But I'm going to have to cut this short. I'll be playing at 'The Ruin' in three days..." he hastily got up to the objection of the crowd and made his way back stage. Tai jumped from his seat and ran to the bar entrance. He tore the door open and circled round back of the building looking for the back exit.
"You said three songs minimum." he heard a annoyed, gruff voice.
"Yeah, sorry, but something came up...." that was Matt's.
"In the middle of the show."
"Yep. Funny how things like this happen sometimes."
"Hey, wait."
"What."
"I'm not paying you."
"Like I care, I've got bigger and better things on my plate, this was just a favour. An old friend of mine started this bar."
"So you'd just let him..."
"Her."
"... her down like this."
"Friendship doesn't really mean that much to me."
The other man didn't seem to know how to reply. "Okay, whatever. You played one song at least. here's quarter of what we agreed to... now get out of here."
"Glad to."
The back exit door swung open and Matt stormed out.
"Yamato!"
Matt didn't even turn around "Don't even bother Taichi, I don't want ot hear it."
Tai ran after him and grabbed his arm "I NEED to talk to you."
Matt tugged his arm away "There's nothing to talk about."
"Yes there IS." Tai caught his arm again.
Matt finally faced Tai. There were tears forming in the corners of his eyes "Haven't you already done enough." his voice was choked.
"Matt, I want to apologize."
Their eyes met "Yeah, I bet..." Matt sniffed.
Tai suddenly realized many of the audience from the bar had also followed Matt out and were now observing the scene with great curiosity. Several of the girls talked to each other in hushed voices and giggled. The bar manager took a picture that Tai was certain would run in the tabloid.
"Something tells me this isn't the place to talk about this." Tai whispered.
"No place is the place to talk about it."
"Matt, don't do this."
"Do what Tai? This is all your fault."
"Oh that's mature."
"What, you're the one who left!"
The girls all giggled again.
"Matt, people are staring."
"Yeah, so what? Let them stare. It's not like there's anything to see. You made that perfectly clear last time you were here."
"I did what I had to do."
"When? When you kissed me?"
Tai's eyes wavered nervously towards the crowd who stood with fixated fascination.
"Yeah, was that it Tai, or when you left?"
"Matt, we need to talk about this, let's go somewhere else..."
"No, let's talk about it right here."
Tai began to sweat.
"You WANTED to talk about this, right? So let's talk."
"Matt..."
"No, let's just get everything here in the open. I hate you. That pretty much sums it up." Tears were dripping down his cheeks.
"Matt..."
"Tai, just shut up."
"Matt, I didn't mean for it to turn out like this..."
"No, of course not, you never do..."
"Well, why is it always MY fault. It's always been like this!"
"YOU'RE the one who kissed ME!"
"Not the first time!"
"It doesn't matter! I was almost over you!"
Tai was shocked at this sudden outburst "O... over me?"
Matt took a shuddering sigh "It took seven years but I had nearly forgotten you."
Tai bit his lip "Is that what you really want?"
Confusion blinked in Matt's eyes. He finally tore his arm away from Tai's grip. "Just leave me alone." he walked away very calmly.
"You didn't do it!" Tai called after him.
Matt spun around "What do you mean?"
"The knife. You didn't do it."
Matt's face remained emotionless "Don't give yourself so much credit."
"I'm not. I'm just glad you're not dead."
Pause. "You're the one who called TK, aren't you?"
"Nobody else knew where you lived."
Matt's gaze softened.

Something in the back of Tai's mind was telling him this was wrong as Matt struggled to unbutton his shirt while still kissing him ferverously. He came up for air a moment and smiled at Tai.
"This is why I never wear button up shirts."
"Matt..." Tai was torn "Yama, we can't do this."
Matt laughed and kissed Tai passionately "No, we CAN do this."
"But we shouldn't..."
Matt grabbed the loose shirt ends at Tai's neck and pulled him down into the inviting soft bed, then pulled his entire shirt off. "Why not?" he asked playfully.
All hesitation in Tai's mind instantly disspated "I don't know."
"Kiko koibito." Matt murmured in Tai's ear "Watashi ga hoshii anata."
"Oh god Matt, don't say that."
"Watashi koiai anata."
Tai smiled "Watashi hitsuyo anata."

Tai's eyes slowly flickered opened. Where am I His blurry vision could barely make out the unfamiliar surroundings. Then he became aware of the arms incirled around his chest and the head nestled on his shoulder. He looked down at Matt who slept soundly wrapped around him.
Tai sighed heavily of contentment. "My haiboku enjeru." Suddenly, a feeling of unease began to form in the pit of his stomach. He realized he would have to leave... again... Yamato snuggled closer. Just a few minutes longer his mind urged, tightning his embrace around Matt.
Do you want to hurt him any more?
I've already hurt him.
Baka.
A soft groan filled Tai's ears. He glanced down at Yamato, whose closed eyes had become narrow, azure slits.
"Taichi?"
Tai stroked his hair "Shhh koibito, sleep."
Yamato smiled and closed his eyes, his chest rose and fell once more with the monotonous rythm of sleep. Tai had made his decision. It ripped his heart out to do so, but he had to leave.
He carefully removed Matt's ams from around his chest and slipped out of the bed.

Tai checked the clock again. 3:04. The train should've been there. Tai had decided to ditch his second meeting because of a personal issue. Which was true in a way. He couldn't stand to be in Nagasaki for another day. Not after last night. He hadn't known what had possesed him. Everyone had a night of unbridled passion at least once in their life. But not usually was it with someone they actually loved. More than life itself. Or maybe that was the whole point.
"Baka." Tai whispered to himself "Matt was right, I did enough damage last time I was here... oh god, what am I doing..." he rubbed his face thorougly "Baka, baka, baka, baka...."
Matt was always so scared of touch and affection. He was afraid of love. This did alot to help that. They hurt each other enough back in the DigiWorld, and they were only twelve years old back then. Now, what did Tai think he was doing. Coming and comforting Matt, giving him the love he needed and craved, then LEAVING. He couldn't be with him, so why didn't he just leave him alone. Why did he even bother. Tai knew the answer. He couldn't stay away from Matt. especially if he was so close. He was drawn to him. The emotional attatchment was enough to draw him in, but as soon as he found himself gazing into those sapphire irises he was lost. He hated to admit it, but Matt had him wrapped around his little finger, even if he didn't realize it. "Why?" is all he could mutter, laying his head in his sweating palms.
"Taichi."
Tai's head whipped up "Y... Yamato..."
Matt gazed down at him coldly.
"Matt... I... just... couldn't..."
Matt waved a dismissive hand "Yeah, whatever."
"You need to understand. It just can't be.... I mean, what happened last night... it shouldn't have..."
"So it was a mistake."
"Yes!"
"That's always nice to hear."
"No, no that's not what I mean." Tai tried to protest, but Matt turned his head away.
"I don't care Tai. You obviously don't."
"Yes, I do! My business trip was another day... I can't stay..."
"Why thank you, Taichi, that makes me feel special."
Tai sighed "Why do you need to make everything so difficult."
"My little gift to the world."
Dispite himself, Tai smiled "I love you."
Matt spun his head around "W... what!?"
"Why is it so hard for you to hear that."
"I... I..." Matt looked down "I'm just not used to it."
Tai smiled again as he stood and moved closer to Matt. He slid a hand under his chin and pushed his face up.
"That's unfortunate."
"T... Tai..."
Tai kissed him. Softly and lingering. The train approached in the distance.
"Oh... god... Tai, don't do that."
"I'm sorry for everything I've put you through."
"I think I enjoy to torture."
"Why?"
A crooked smile found it's way across Matt's tear streaked face "Because I know you'll be back."
Tai moved away slightly "I probably will."
"I hate you." Matt hissed.
Tai nodded "Yeah, I know."
The train came to a noisy stop and a flow of tired passengers flooded out. Only a few seemed to notice the two young men who stood in the corner, intertwined, faces inches apart, and they seemed to tired to really care much.
Tai finally drew away and grabbed his suitcase "You do care Yamato. Otherwise you wouldn't be here."
"Of course I care about you baka. Now get out of here while I still do."
Tai laughed.
"I'm not kidding."
"Yeah, whatever."
Tai didn't look back as he borded the train. He couldn't, in fear that he wouldn't want to leave. But as the train pulled out of the station he couldn't help but catch one last, blurry, glance at the tall, thin figure, clothed in black, trench coat waving in the artificial wind and wild, twany hair blowing in his beautiful, emotionless face. His heart was torn, half hoping he'd see him again. And again. And again. And... but the other half desperatley begging god, for the same reason, that this was the last image of Yamato Ishida he'd ever have the pleasure to gaze upon.

THE BITTERSWEET END